Will (5) and Christina (2 months) during a relaxed day at home, 1990.
During our family’s homeschooling journey, we somehow found the style of homeschooling that worked best for us. It can probably be best described as relaxed homeschooling.
I came to a relaxed style of homeschooling simply by noticing what worked best for my family … and by realizing I couldn’t homeschool long-term any other way. And relaxed homeschooling worked. Homeschooling was a great experience for my family; I succeed in homeschooling my children through high school; my children were prepared for and loved college; and my children still love learning as adults.
Here are my favorite tips for being a relaxed homeschooler:
Most important is to realize you don’t need to be perfect. I didn’t fully realize this until my children graduated from college with straight A’s. Then I saw that the many inadequacies I had in planning, following a schedule, or recording our daily activities (which usually didn’t happen) … and all those wonderful activities I wanted to do but didn’t have the time or energy to do … didn’t matter after all.
Follow your child’s interests and learning style whenever you can. Following your child is a Montessori principle that works regardless of your child’s age. Especially when your child is young, you can provide trays of activities on shelves and give your child the freedom to choose activities. Following your child also gives you the freedom to deviate from a curriculum or schedule when your child needs something a bit different.
Consider doing unit studies. My family loved unit studies. Unit studies work well for multi-level learning and add a lot of life into schooling. We used KONOS character-based unit studies along with a Montessori orientation to schooling. We chose the hands-on activities we wanted and did a lot of reading together. Because my family loves books, we emphasized reading lots of “living” books rather than textbooks.
Add your family’s favorite activities into your homeschool. Our family loved reading together, traveling, and celebrations. We often made those activities part of our homeschool. Doing that gave us many fun experiences that brought us even closer as a family. It’s very freeing to think, “This is our school – is this great or what?!”
Consider eliminating tests and grades whenever possible. I was a Montessorian before I was a homeschooler, so I adopted the Montessori philosophy of avoiding tests and grades in our homeschool. Because homeschool education is individualized, it’s easy to see what your children do or don’t know.
Your children will avoid a lot of unnecessary stress without tests – and so will you. Without the stress, they might even retain more information long-term. Of course, some testing might be required by your state. View that as an opportunity to confirm your child’s subjects of weakness and strength and to give your child a chance to gain test-taking skills before college.
Be flexible to allow for sickness, unexpected events, and family emergencies. Maybe you just need to spend a day reading together on the sofa. If a change in schedule is needed, it’s alright.
Realize you can’t do everything. This is tough when there are so many wonderful activities you’d love to do. The Internet wasn’t around when my kids were little. I would have enjoyed finding activities online to add to our unit studies and regular homeschool activities. At the same time, it would be impossible to do even a fraction of all the wonderful activities available.
The approach I like is to look at activities in an almost intuitive way. Don’t try to logically choose the very best activities. Just look at some of the activities available, and choose some that “feel” right for your family. On the Living Montessori Now Facebook page alone, there are numerous activities for most holidays and many other events. Have fun finding new activities to add to your homeschool, but don’t worry about the ones you don’t have the time or energy to do.
I always remember the workshop at a homeschooling conference where the speaker said that it’s only homeschoolers who completely finish a textbook. How true. I never even studied World War II in a class before college – because World War II was at the end of the book, which we never reached in our public-school classes.
Take care of yourself.
Take time for stress-reducing activities that help you keep life – including homeschooling – balanced and in perspective. My favorite stress-reducing activities are exercise, prayer, and meditation. When our kids were young, we did a lot of our exercise together (for us, through skiing, skating, or roller blading). Even though you’re busy, you’ll find it easier to be a relaxed homeschooler if your stress levels are manageable.
So, don’t worry. Enjoy your family! That’s what homeschooling is all about! 🙂
Also, check out Top 5 Homeschooling Lessons My Children Taught Me.
UPDATE: For links to my homeschooling posts, see Homeschool Resources.
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I love this idea…but have a real struggle “letting go” of the “need” to have much more structure with my high schooler. Our first graduated and is in college–successfully! 🙂 However, I am concerned that with new state guidelines for graduating that I won’t cover things well with my high schooler. With 7 kids, two being disabled, this way feels so right, but I cannot “get” it! Argh!
Thanks for your comment, Heidi! When there were special tests or guidelines required, I used those as a way to review what we’d learned. For Iowa Basics, I’d use a test preparation booklet that gave my kids practice with basic test skills and showed any areas we might want to cover. If an area needed more work, we just read books on the subject together or did fun quiz games. I actually sort of enjoyed having an excuse to review concepts. I’m sure you’re doing many wonderful things – congratulations on having a successful college student already! 🙂
This is a great post and I so appreciate it coming from a mom with grown up kids! Relaxed doesn’t mean lazy! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much for your kind comment, Jen! 🙂
Hi, I absolutely loved this article. It is so right about everything. Now, how to get rid of the stress when you live in PA and have to have good records and be evaluated 2 times, lol! 🙂
I am very curious about how you “did” high school. My daughter is in 9th right now and I’m starting to plan for her 10th grade year. I don’t for a minute believe that she needs 120 hours of a textbook or “formal” studies in order to be prepared for college, BUT the voices in my head are scaring me into being traditional.
Can you point me to any articles you’ve written on this? Or if you don’t agree with me, could you tell me why? I know what I want to do, and will probably do, I just need a little help being confident about it, lol.
Thanks! I’m in a frenzy or portfolio making and planning for next year. My mind won’t shut up 🙂
I found this article on twitter and I’m going to tweet it again. I also voted for you and am now following your blog.
Thanks so much, Catherine! The link in my post about unit studies tells a bit about our high school program as well. This article tells about what I used for the transcript part of our high school: https://livingmontessorinow.com/2010/09/30/why-i-love-homeschooling-conferences-seminars/.
I probably need to write a high school post before long! Except for KONOS History of the World, we used some regular types of courses in high school – in a rather unstructured way. My daughter loved concurrent college/high school courses, which made those classes easy for me!
I hope that helps. Good luck – and thanks for voting, tweeting, and following me! 🙂
I think anyone who homeschool’s is amazing. My children went to public school and just doing homework with them was sometimes exhausting. But the philosphy behind home schooling should be applied to just raising children. Basically I followed this philosophy in raising my five children. And I feel that testing in schools has gotten out of control. When will children be children first. Bravo to you and others who home school….
Thanks so much for your kind comment! It’s so true that the same philosophy can be applied to raising children regardless of their school situation. It sounds like you’ve done an awesome job! 🙂
Hi, I found your blog over at Picket Fence Blogs. I really enjoyed this post. I have added your blog to my blog list of Montessori blogs and I am now following you. Looking forward to reading more.
Blessings
Thanks so much for your kind comment! And thanks for adding my blog to your blog list! 🙂
Thank you for the encouragement to be relaxed! 🙂
Thanks so much for your comment, Sherry! Have a wonderful Mother’s Day! 🙂
I admire people with dedication such as yours! Great blog – keep up the great work! You are such an inspiring individual… =)
Thanks for the follow, btw…I am following you back now. =)
Thanks so much for your kind words, Sharon! And thanks for following me! 🙂
This is our natural homeschooling style as well.
However, what stresses me out, is living in a highly regulated state, so we can’t fall into our natural style…because I have the local SD camped out in my living room, for all intents and purposes. (and they are less than homeschool friendly)
Thanks for your comment, Kimberly! I just read your post about your homeschool regulations. That’s really unfortunate. We were lucky to be in Colorado, which is a very homeschool-friendly state. Having to turn in a portfolio definitely makes it more difficult to be a relaxed homeschooler.
We only had to turn in a letter of intent to homeschool each year and have our kids tested (Iowa Basics, etc.) every other year. Our homeschool association told us to just turn in the minimum (a form letter), so that’s what we did each year. I’m hoping there’s a minimum standard of compliance you can use to help keep everything relaxed but still obey the law. Good luck!
I LOVE the attitude…we do not home-school (for a variety of reasons), but have been Den Leaders for 13 years in Scouts, and have found the same thing. Make it fun, for both you and the kids, and the learning comes a lot easier. Thanks for sharing this perspective…
Thanks so much for your kind comment! It’s wonderful that you’ve been Den Leaders for 13 years! My son learned about a wide variety of helpful topics as a Cub Scout and Boy Scout. It sounds like you’re awesome Den Leaders! 🙂
I love this – thank you so much for posting the link! We are definitely relaxed homeschoolers too and I always love reading success stories. 🙂
Our favorite activity that we’ve picked up is re-enacting at a local fort – they develop a deeper love of history while volunteering somewhere and getting to play pretend all at the same time – what could be better, right? 🙂
Thanks so much, Gidget! I just found your comment. Your re-enacting activity sounds wonderful … those sorts of activities make history SO MUCH more interesting! Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂
Hello.I am a single male parent. I have home schooled my son and has not exactly been relaxing to be honest but, well i guess you know what i mean. I think your information here has gotten me to relax a bit. I thank you for the detailed information.
Thanks for your comment, George! I’m very impressed that you’re homeschooling as a single male parent. I’m so glad this was helpful. Wishing you the best in your homeschooling journey. 🙂
Hello Deb,
I am considering homeschooling. I have a 3 and 7 year old. Any suggestions on where to start?
Thank you
Ximena
Hi Ximena! It’s a bit more challenging to start with more than one level. It really depends on what style of homeschooling you’d like to do. I did a lot with Montessori-inspired unit studies, which worked well for multiple ages. If you want to do Montessori homeschooling, you’d have to decide if you want to do Montessori with unit studies like we did or a more traditional Montessori elementary program. That does require more specialized materials and lessons, although there are more materials available now for elementary-level homeschooling. I have lots and lots of activities and resources on the blog here for Montessori homeschooling preschool through early elementary. The homeschool resources post linked above and this post might be good places to start: How to Set Up a Montessori Homeschool Classroom. I hope that helps. 🙂 Deb